Thursday, November 13, 2008

Fertilizer Fund Soap cum Reality Show

Are you tired of the soap-operas and reality shows of Pinoy prime time? Annoyed with the perpetually bad writing, infinite whining and amateur special effects? Suya ka na ba?

I know I am!

Here is Immie's tried and tested solution for your prime time itch: FERTILIZER FUND SCAM (FFS)!

This story's got it ALL! The premier episode of the latest season of the FFS is the bomb. How can you not feel pity for the ragged elegance of Jocjoc's performance at the airport? With a hand clutching his failing heart and uncoordination due to his condition, i see a few eyes water and shoulders quiver... of laughter!

Tong-It Club

Last night, my Ultra-Exclusive Tong-It Members Only Club had our regular meeting to discuss the state of the nation, the state of our lives, the state of our neighbors' lives, the price of Generoso (the official drink of the Ultra-Exclusive Tong-It Members Only Club). In the midst of our debate on which is more freaky, the smile/scowl of Mike Enriquez or Kim Atienza's wanna-be hat, we came upon FFS and it's star JocJoc Bolante.

Immie: Did you gentlemen see the clip of Jocjoc's arrival at NAIA?
Kadjo: As a matter of fact, we sacrificed Cinema One's run of an FPJ (the official hero of the Tong-It club) movie just to witness the event.
Immie: (shock) Was it worth it?
Enteng: I must admit that I enjoyed the show. We were so engrossed with Jocjoc's condition that we got in touch with our contact in St. Luke's.
Immie: What did your contact say? *pulls out pen and notebook*
Kadjo: Apparently, he is really ill. His blood pressure wasn't very good.
Enteng: Yes. It was really high... 120 over ACTING.
Immie: Urgh! *throws pen at Enteng gracefully*

Although the discussion at the Club wasn't fruitful, Enteng did give me an idea. Perhaps it would pay to investigate the person that is Jocjoc Bolante. With my range of contacts, I decided to consult the most reliable source: Jocjoc's favorite automotive dealer. It didn't take me long before I traced the Mercedes-Benz dealer who services Jocjoc's undisclosed number of automoblies. This is a tip: if you want to get the names of politicians guilty of corruption, interview the Mercedes-Benz service center employees. See the politicians think that these poor "mekaniko" are less than human and, therefore, incaple of thought or passing thought to other minds. Unfortunately for these folks, the servicemen listen... intently.

Immie: When did you meet Jocjoc? Are you sure it was Jocjoc?
Mercedes-Benz employee: I met him in the 1990s. I remember him because of the confusion brought about by his name. See, it was listed as Jocelyn, which is a woman's name. We were surprised to find out that Jocelyn happened to be male.
Immie: What was your first impression of Jocjoc?
MBE: He was quite amiable... very polite and treated everyone fairly. The vehicle was registered under his name and it was the latest model. At that time, he had already amassed a great deal of moolah. It wasn't a surprise to me that he was chosen to coordinate the Fertilizer Fund Scam. And he loved his vehicle. He picked it up from the shop personally.
Immie: What do you think of the current investigation involving Jocjoc?
MBE: I can't say for certain if he's guilty or innocent. All I know is that he is a "rich" man and it takes a rich man to pull off a scam of such proportions *wink wink*

Immie: Do you think the Arroyo administration benefitted from the FFS?
MBE: I believe that all politicians are corrupt. I wouldn't be surprised if Gloria was involved.
Immie: Do you mean that all politicians are and/or will be corrupt once they take office?
MBE: It doesn't matter who wins in elections. Anyone in office IS corrupt by the nature of their office and the Philippine politics.

This is a good food for thought. It seems that the populace are convinced that anyone in position is corrupt no matter how good they were before, they will sprout horns and tails (and carry a flaming trident) soon enough. The question is not who runs but the impression of the populace of the current political system. Thereby giving the impression that the populace has lost faith not only in the people in power but also of the Philippine political system. That's not very good as it undermines the efforts made by concerned citizens on playing by the rules (having faith in the constitution). It also implies that the problem lies with the system therefore the system must be eradicated and replaced with something new. The damage brought by corrupt officials has been thorough in that the system has collapsed. We should quit the system like your sleeze bag ex-boyfriend and level-up.

Suya na kami!

**Rich = For an MBE employee, a rich man is someone who owns a Mercedes-Benz.

*** The rest of the interview may be featured in a separate entry ***

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